Swim Fitness Articles
Lane Laws and Swimmer ROT (Rules of Thumb)
- On the day that you leave your swimsuit at home and have to revert back to 'Ol See-Thru, your ancient backup suit,
Coach will decide to work on your racing starts off the block.
- Nobody will tell you when the backside of your suit rips out.
- Your "friends" WILL make sure that the entire team hears about it.
- There will always be somebody blocking the + on the wall at the 50 when you are doing an all-out 100 for time in practice.
- A well-placed pair of feet in the middle of their back may be educational to them.
- If you treat yourself to a $30 pedicure, your next workout will include fast kick sets with fins.
- Rearranging your schedule to make it to an afternoon outdoor practice will cause thunderstorms.
- Severity of the storms is directly proportional to how much inconvenience you went to.
- The storm will start right after you have gotten in the water.
- Your towel WILL get soaking wet.
- Easy practices are never scheduled for the days you have a hangover.
- Pool chlorination systems "know" when you are wearing a brand-new swim suit and will kick into overdrive.
- The people who wear yellow or white swimsuits are never the same people that you want to see naked.
- People only stand in front of the paceclock when you are finishing a repeat.
- During any workout that the coach does not attend, a new swimmer will join the group and will want you to give them an
orientation in the middle of a set.
- Your reward for staying to the end of practice and finishing a hard set will be that no hot water is left
for your shower.
- The only fins left in your lane after everyone leaves will not be yours.
- The only fins left in your lane will not be your size.
- When you miss the wall on a turn, the referee will always be somebody with a big mouth who will tell the entire
LMSC about how you were the only DQ of the meet.
- Goggles which behave perfectly during practice will either fill up, flip down, or fall apart during a race.
- The person who has the key to the pool facility never oversleeps morning practice on the same day that you do.
- If somebody takes their cellphone up to the pool lane with them, find another lane to swim in.
- Baked beans, cabbage, and other flatulence-producing foods do not help you swim faster.
- Writing your event/heat/lane assignments on the back of your hand with a Sharpie looks dorky but it works.
- Do not give the sports massage therapist your credit card.
- Be very suspicious of anybody who is taking big gulps out of their water bottle but not getting out for bathroom breaks.
- If you have a nervous stomach, bananas are the perfect food. They taste pretty much the same no matter which direction
they are going (up or down)
- If somebody brings an index box of laminated color-coded workout cards to the pool lane with them, find another
lane to swim in.
- The fastest swimmer is not usually wearing the prettiest swim suit.
- The most valuable individual on your team is the person who has the key to the pool facility.
- Do not make them mad.
- Find out their favorite cold beverage and treat them often.
- If your teammates tell you more than, oh, say, 3 dozen times that something is annoying, it probably IS annoying.
- Outdoor pools tend to be a temperature that is the average of the daytime high and nighttime low temperature.
- If you rinse out your swim cap after each practice with clear water, carefully dry it, and lightly dust it with talcum powder
before neatly folding it and storing it away from light and heat, it will last longer.
- New caps only cost about $4. Just buy a bunch and after you wear them, toss them wet into the bag with your fins.
- When a cap starts to stick to the fins or has a lot of spots on it, it is time to spend another $4.
- If your fins (especially Zoomers) are giving you blisters, try wearing white athletic ankle socks under the fins.
- The swimmers who are/were really good don't talk about it much.
- If you wait to turn in your USMS registration sign-up until the same week as a meet you sign up for, don't expect the registrar to think
that it's an "emergency" to get you registered in time to be able to swim.
- Ear drops bottles can be about the same size and shape as shampoo sample bottles. Best to do a visual check before squirting what may
be fluorescent green Pert Plus into your ear.
- Lactate sets are proof that your coach loves you all enough to put up with your whining and complaining.
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