Swim Fitness Articles
If It Were Easy, It Would Be Called "Football"
Part II - A Master Swimmer's Perspective On Swimming with Coach Bridgewater
I started to throw my swim journal away today but I didn't have the strength to lift the darn thing. Seriously, it just got too time consuming to record the workouts. Besides, I was too tired to fill it out anyway. I have decided to change our coach's name from "Coach" to The Animal Trainer.
The Animal Trainer has been encouraging us during practice with words like "great job", "keep it up" and "great swim". Unfortunately, we discovered he has a pocket recorder and just hits replay over and over again. And what is up with the stopwatch thing in practice? Kick a 100 for time? Followed by another 100 for time but only faster? As my friends in New Jersey would say: "Forgetaboutit". What is great about kicking a 100 yards in 1:32 seconds? When I was younger I could do it in 1:?? seconds. Well what ever. Who can remember back that far anyway?
The animals are getting restless. The holidays are coming and we just want The Animal Trainer to back off dude! So what if we have a meet coming. So is Christmas. If is not possible to do 3500 meters in 1 hour, how in the world did we fit in 3600? What little mind I have left must be chlorine clouded. We need to be thoroughly rested and tapered if we are going to stomp the competition, I mean win the meet.
What a meet! I may have qualified for a Top 10 time! Hey, way to go Animal Trainer. Thanks. Four team members competed for the first time and impressed themselves and all of us. What a great sport- you, the clock, a ridiculously small piece of nylon/ Lycra and a bunch of screaming teammates cheering you on. I haven't had this much fun since. . Well I can't remember when. Some of the younger swimmers need to slow down though. Show some R E S P E C T. If they keep dropping their quick times a few of us will have to move over to a slower lane in practice. Talk about humiliation. I need to speak to The Animal Trainer about this and see if I can get some extra credit sets in.
Ah, the holiday break. Ah crap, the holiday practices. The Animal Trainer has us back for two-hour workouts. If I ever find out who gave him the idea to start adding IM sets I will kill them. Heck I swam the 200 free in college and I never had to do IM sets. The Animal Trainer suggests that it is good to cross train strokes. After a 2500 IM set I came to realize that IM really stands for Idiotic Mistake.
Another mystery in process. Some knucklehead suggested lengthening the morning practices to one and a half hours. You know, bonus sets. The Animal Trainer agreed way to quickly. We're in trouble. We cranked out 4300 yards followed by a 4600-yard day. I need a nap and a spear gun! I surveyed some members to get their thoughts on hunting down the instigator of this outrage. Did I mention IM sets?
It appears I am not alone. This just in from a teammate, "I need a nap after today's practice. Luckily the coffee maker is going (the most important furnishing in my office). The Animal Trainer is suggesting I do some weight training...with which muscles? The ones I have are dead." I agree and would add that the second most important furnishing in my office is my day bed. I need a nap too. But heck "We are Masters. Let the Animal OUT!" Less than one percent of the world can do what we do.
If it were easy it would be called football.
Used with permission from Mike Bonser, Irving Masters Swim Club
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